Today I visited the Greek festival in my hometown. Of course to eat 😂. Jokingly, I pointed out the carnival rides to my boyfriend and said I wanted to get on.
After we ate our food, he pulled me over to the ride section and we got tickets to get on the ride. Of course I went into panic mode because I was joking! In my head there was no way I could get on the ride. I ran through so many excuses (the step up is too high, I won’t be able to get in/it sits down to deep, I won’t be able to get back up/ I can’t lift my leg over the side, etc.). After seeing the frustration in my boyfriends face, I finally just said forget it. If I die on the spinning carnival ride, I just die 😂 (Gotta love anxiety).
We gave the guy our tickets and head up the stairs to the ride. We greet our cart and immediately I ran into an issue. I couldn’t lift or bend my leg in a way to get in(stupid stiffness). But I didn’t give up. Like everything else in my life, I improvised. I sat on the top of the seats and swung my feet to the top of front of the car and eased myself in. Once I got in, my nerves started tingling. I seriously thought I was about to have a panic attack. But instead of freaking out, I accepted that I was nervous, linked my arm with his and just let go.
When it first started, I had my eyes closed. I’m not a fan of heights and not being in control. Something told me to open my eyes and I listened. I got to experience views from a height I hadn’t in a while and I’m so glad I did.
While it was just a simple carnival ride, it meant sooooo much more to me. For the first time in a while, I felt normal. I felt free. I let myself be vulnerable. I let myself live and there is truly no looking back 😊
thetealbrickroad 